Mental Fragments

Friendships take a great deal of time and effort to develop. And it’s harder to develop if the lives of the persons involved are not really connected. I know this fact but I still tried. I don’t see the person regularly and even if I know this person for quite sometime, there is no relationship to build upon in the first place. All I have are admiration and past feelings which I’m not sure if its still there. I thought that maybe if I start this friendship, it can develop to something deeper. But even if I wasn’t expecting that something will develop; unknowingly, a part of me does.

It’s not that I have developed deep feelings for her. Maybe I’m just surprised that she is in a relationship now. Or maybe it’s just a feeling that I somehow failed because I really didn’t try my best to make a connection. But thinking about it, it’s not really my style to bug, impress and force anyone for the sake of having a relationship. Maybe I’m guarded because I’m not yet that close to her and I didn’t want to send mixed signals. I think that it was better for me to do that rather than her getting hurt if she assumes that I have feelings that aren’t there yet.

The end is not bad at all. At least there’s a resolution of the past. I think that I have learned many things from this experience and I can use them in my future relationships with other people. Probably He’s telling me that I should first focus in improving my relationship with the people around me.

Today we had our Company Christmas party at “Hacienda Lavides” and also the first “gig” of our so called band with no name (an officemate suggested ‘No Mic Stand’ because of our tech problem during the performance). For the party we prepared 3 songs but only got to perform 2 due to limited time. We played ‘Superproxy’ by the Eraserheads and ‘Slide’ by the Goo Goo Dolls. We got lost in some of the parts but I think we did OK considering it was our first time.

We started preparing and setting-up the band “paraphernalia” yesterday. It took us the whole day to buy Angelo’s guitar and amp, go to Manila just to borrow another amp and carry my drum set to the venue. Today, we took a leave so that we could practice. It was a great deal of effort for playing just 2 songs, but it was worth it! But with our schedules, I’m wondering if we could do this regularly. I think that playing and having a full-time job will be difficult to balance. With this experience, I now have greater respect for musicians. They work hard and do the thing that they really love even if they aren’t sure if the business will love them back (by rewarding them financially).

Photos courtesy of Mr. KC Laiz. Thanks KC!

Drumming has been my main hobby for over a year now and in learning to play the instrument, I experience many highs and lows. There are times that I feel good about my progress. In my own assessment, I think that I reached the level that a first year should. But there are also times that feel so frustrating like taking a new lesson, learning a new technique or song which I don’t seem to get right. When I’m frustrated sometimes I ask myself the use of pursing this hobby. I also ask myself the reasons why I decided to take drumming in the first place.

Looking back, I was trying to find a hobby that I can be passionate about. I have many hobbies but none really interested me enough to make me take them seriously. All I know is that I like music… I enjoy listening to it, digesting it and relating it to my life. So I thought of learning a musical instrument. My options were to learn piano / keyboards, guitar, or drums. Out of the three I chose drums because 1) playing it is a real physical activity compared to guitar or keyboards where mostly only the hands and fingers are used 2) there are many people who already know how to play guitars and keyboards but quite a few who play drums 3) banging the drums would be a great outlet for negative emotions.

What’s the use of spending time and money for this hobby? Will I ever make a good use of it? Right now I don’t know the answer. All I know is that I’m enjoying it. It’s a form of self expression. Sometimes I do imagine myself playing a great song in a concert; and I like that.

Would I choose it as possible career in the future? I have a long way to go to even consider music as a possible career. They say that it would take 5 years to be really good at something and then another 5 years to be a master. Probably in my 30’s I will know the answer =).