About a week ago had a chat with a high school friend. We weren’t close during high school days but we chat once in a while. Here’s a part or our exchange:

[HS friend]: o ayan kahit paano medyo close na tayo ngayon

[HS friend]: suplado ka kasi nung HS eh!

[Redge]: hindi ano… front lang yun

[Redge]: ika nga eh… "I’m hard on the outside but soft in the inside."

Ako? Suplado? No way!!! I was surprised when she said that because I don’t consider myself as aloof. I’m far from that. If I would describe myself, I would say that I’m very shy… Very shy to the point that I don’t start conversations, look or make eye contact to people.

I checked the definition of aloof from http://dictionary.reference.com/ and this is what I got:

aloof – adjective

2. reserved or reticent; indifferent; disinterested: Because of his shyness, he had the reputation of being aloof.

That sample sentence says it all… My shyness is the reason why acquaintances or even friends see me as that. Maybe another reason is that I don’t easily let people into my life, to the point that I alienate my friends and people who are close to me.

A perfect metaphor for me would be an egg; hard on the outside but soft and fragile in the inside. I don’t mean to be cold and distant to people. Maybe it’s my instinct to defend myself. I’ve had experiences where people intentionally or unintentionally hurt me. Yes it hurts if an acquaintance or a stranger does that but the most painful ones do come from the ones who are close to you or from the ones you love. Especially when you least expect them to do that to you.