Mental Fragments

This afternoon, I went to Petron at Blue Wave to buy bar code tags for our product. On my way home from Petron (which is at the corner of the EDSA Ext. and Macapagal Blvd.), I made a partial counter-flow on EDSA Ext. and then turned right to Macapagal. Unluckily, there were a group of MMDA and brown uniform police (local Pasay probably) preying for victims as I made my turn. They saw me do the partial counter-flow and signaled to pull me over.

At first the brown uniform police (now to be called MIB… Man in Brown) approached and told me that what I did was “illegal counter-flow” and is a violation with a fine of P2000. He asked me if I would like to settle it under the table so that it won’t be hassle for me paying P2000 and getting my license somewhere in Cuneta Astrodome. He also said that it would take a month before I can get the license.

I thought that P2000 was a big amount especially now that I’m still on leave without pay. It was tempting to bribe that police but decided not to. I felt that it was only right for me to be issued a traffic violation ticket even if I only counter-flowed not more than 10 meters. When he felt that I wasn’t going to give him a bribe, he went to the MMDA police and I heard him say: “Tsk tsk…Lugi tayo rito…”

Then the MMDA police approached me and again asked me if I would like to settle it under the table. Again I said no. Then he went back of the van and discussed something with the MIB. After a while he went back to me and said that he will be giving me a lighter violation; “reckless driving” which has a fine of P500 (but for me reckless driving sounds worse than illegal counter-flow… hahaha). He again reiterated that it would be a hassle for me to pay for the fine but I then said: “Mabuti nga yun para matuto ako.” I was proud of myself that I was able to say that and stand on my principles. Bribery exists because there are those who are willing to bribe.

Now my dilemma… Should I report this to MMDA or not? Is it worth the time, effort and the risk? The MMDA police officer has my name and address. They can easily track me if they want to get even. Hmmm…

A college batchmate posted a number of philosophical questions in his blog. Some of the questions are:

"How do you achieve contentment?"

"What is the purpose of free will when God has already laid out a plan for your life?"

Right now, I’m also in the period of life where I’m finding the answers to the same questions. This is the reason why I’m currently on sabbatical leave from work and doing soul-searching. I don’t know what hit me. I was suddenly inspired to answer those questions after coming home from youth young adults ministry service. This is my reply to the questions he posted:

Being satisfied with what we have doesn’t mean that we should not crave for something better. Being satisfied means that if you want something and it was not given to you… you’ll be able to say… "Nah! That’s alright. Maybe there’s something better in store for me! Or maybe now is not the right time…"

I would just like to share this because I know there are many people who are trying to answer the same questions. Maybe my reply can help enlighten people.

My cousin forwarded an email to me and I in turn forwarded it to my friends. Here’s the contents of the email

Being Twenty-Something to Thirty-Something

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn’t know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are
realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren’t so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to
your list of what is acceptable and what is not.

You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there
is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lie in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enough to get to know better.

You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life
for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you’d just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

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A number of friends reacted to this. One was a former officemate; he said that he can relate to many of the situations in the email. Another friend who is already married gave her insights:

Hehehe interesting concept. Sometimes, I think we’re just getting bored. Or we realize our dreams are not feasible enough to concretize.
But yep, we all miss the past sometimes… most of the time. Lesser responsibilities. Lesser accountability.
Best to appreciate what we have. Lesser constraints hehe. More opportunities.

From a perspective of someone who is currently in this phase, I then gave my insights to her about it:

Quarter life crisis maybe just a label to all of the uncertainties that we are experiencing at this stage of our lives. That after achieving substantial success in our careers, we start to think that there’s more to life than just work. Maybe this is the phase where we start to really be the one in control of our lives. Our parents, friends and peers can only give advice and direction but the decision is still with us on what path in life to take. This sudden freedom is new to us and brings confusion. We can choose to bring back the times when we had less responsibilities or we can choose to move forward, take the challenge and do something bigger than us.

How about you? What’s your take on quarter life crisis? How do you deal with it?

Should have started this blog series earlier in my leave. It’s only today that the idea hit me. I’ve discovered lately that being a bum isn’t so boring after all! =)

July 8 - Sunday

Yesterday, our neighbor at the back of our house trimmed the branches of our Santol tree that was hanging over their side of their fence. The branches and the vines (the kind that is used by Tarzan to swing from tree to tree) were getting to their water tank so they trimmed it; but without our permission. They also threw the trimmed branches over our side of the fence (bad bad neighbor…). When we saw this, we requested our neighbors to get and dispose the branches that they threw. They said that they will do but never did… To avoid conflict with our neighbor, I ended up disposing those trimmed branches.

It took me at least an hour to clear our backyard. It took me that long because I had to cut those big branches into smaller portions because I had to do a transit inside our house to dispose them in a vacant lot in front of our house.

Even though it was tiring for me, I really enjoyed doing that chore. There’s something about getting dirty and sweaty while doing that chore that made me feel good. It’s the same with the other chores that I’ve done while on leave like repairing the kitchen sink (which is still leaking by the way :D), cleaning the bodega and removing a termite colony. It’s probably because for me, getting dirty and sweaty means a hard work that was done well. It brings a feel good mood similar to the one you get after a good day’s workout in the gym. Also, doing these types of chores doesn’t require you to think hard. I gives you time to just be alone with your thoughts, reflect and clear your mind.

When I feel bad or depressed I usually let it all out on my drum set. Sometimes I do jogging. Now I have a new option to deal with depression; Household Chore Therapy.